Happy New Year to you all! I know it’s been 2016 for like a week now but since I haven’t blogged yet in 2016, I think I can still say it. As long as I’m still accidentally writing “2015” on everything, it’s still the “new year.”
If we’re being honest here, I don’t like New Years’ resolutions. I think they are kind of arbitrary (what’s so special about Jan 1??) and set us all up to fail (how many people actually keep them?). The last few years, I’ve avoided them completely.
This year, the change from 2015 to 2016 isn’t so arbitrary for me. 2016 marks the end of being a college student (I’m an alumni! Agh!), the beginning of my first real job, and of course, the wedding. Holy cow. This is going to be a busy year, and I want to make sure my heart and head are in the right place.
As I thought about the new year and who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do, the word that kept coming to mind was faith.
I am notorious for being the most risk-averse person ever. While I’ve tried to convince myself for a long time that being risk-averse to the max was a result of being practical and responsible, I think my risk aversion has actually been a result of my lack of faith: faith in myself and my abilities, and faith in God and in the future.
Thus, for 2016, I’m not making a resolution, but choosing to live out this simple word in all aspects of my life.
FAITH IN MYSELF
Sometimes I think it’s a miracle I mustered up the courage to go to college, get multiple jobs, or commit to getting married. I often sell myself short, seeing myself as prone to mistake and fault, and believing that it is only a matter of time before I mess up. And it probably IS a matter of time, because I’m a human and humans mess up every single day, but still.
This year I want to start giving myself a little more credit. I graduated college, I have been hired for stuff, I have managed to avoid getting arrested, financial ruin, or any other myriad of things that could have happened. I’m a pretty capable person, darnit!
I HAVE to believe in myself this year, because I’m going to need to. Becoming financially independent from my parents, figuring out marriage (and even planning the wedding) and starting a new job are going to all require that I’m on my A-game. If I’ve gotten this far, I need to trust myself to take me where I want to be.
FAITH IN GOD
I don’t usually delve too much into religion here, but God and I have had quite the last few months. After way too long of a spiritual hiatus, I’ve been working on rebuilding my relationship with God and it’s been amazing. I find, however, that what holds me back from enjoying my relationship with Him to the fullest is still a lack of faith.
As part of my Type-A personality, I have trouble giving up control of anything. Weirdly, as little faith as I can have in myself from time to time, I have even less faith in others. I’m often convinced that the greater amount of control I have over my life, the better, and even more strange is that this idea of needing control even seems to extend to my relationship with God.
I’m pretty sure God laughs at me on a daily basis, as I trudge through life day in and day out with the assumption that my capabilities are somehow greater than those of the almighty omniscient creator of the universe. “No, no, God. I know you parted the Red Sea and overcame death and all, but there’s no way you can help me pass this exam.” LOL. Hey God, I’m laughing at myself too.
My goal this year is to live out my faith in God by constantly reminding myself that I am not in control, and I don’t need to be because God is. I am probably going to have control withdrawals.
The new has come, and I’m excited for what 2016 holds. So far, I’ve gotten my first speeding ticket ever. 2016, you’re gonna need to step it up.
What are your New Year’s resolutions, goals, or plans?