Hi everyone! It’s Thor here. Mom’s letting me take over the blog again.
Last time I wrote about being made fun of about my lack of thumbs, but you know what else is a real pet peeve of mine? When people say it’s easy being a dog! Does anyone KNOW what I do in a day? I am an incredibly busy guy. To prove it, I’ll take you through a day in my life.
6:00am: Mom gets up. Why does she need to get up so early? I wonder. I consider getting up with her, but know that dad’s not getting up for awhile. I decide to stay snuggled in.
7:30am: Dad gets up. Sigh. I guess I better get out of bed. I get up and IMMEDIATELY start bugging Mom to go outside. When a guy’s gotta go, a guy’s gotta go!
7:32am: We go outside for our morning potty walk. I am deathly afraid of those convenient dog poop stations at our apartment, so Mom has to bring her own poop bags. I don’t care. She doesn’t know how dangerous those poop stations are, even though I’ve tried to tell her like 100 times. It’s hard to get through to her, you know?
7:40am: Now that I’ve pooped, it’s like I have ALL THE ENERGY. I feel like a new man, so I start running around the house chasing Ball, my orange ball/low-key best friend (besides Mom of course).
7:50am: Mom and Dad are eating breakfast, so I must also eat breakfast – they say family mealtimes are critical to healthy family relationships, and I believe that. I carry small mouthfuls of food from my bowl to Mom and Dad’s bedroom floor and eat them there. Idk, I think food tastes best eaten off of carpet.
8:00am: Tired. Naptime.
10:00am: Haven’t bugged Mom in awhile. I don’t really NEED to pee that bad, but I can’t have her forgetting that I exist. I make whining noises until she takes me out. SUCCESS.
11:50am: Dad always comes home around noon. I know this, so I start circling the door, listening for the sound of his car door.
11:51am: Where is Dad? I get antsy. He is probably dead. It’s over. I’m fatherless.
12:05pm: DAD IS HOME OMG HI DAD WOW I MISSED YOU WHERE WERE YOU AT WORK WOW THAT’S COOL GOSH I’M GLAD YOU’RE NOT DEAD HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII HELLO HI HI HI
12:20pm: Me, Mom, and Dad all eat lunch. You know, I’m starting to wonder if they feed me the same thing for every meal…hmm…
12:45pm: Dad goes back to work. I go back to napping.
2:30pm: It’s time for my afternoon check-in with Mom to make sure she’s paying attention to me. More whining, another walk outside.
3:00pm: Riding that post-poop energy burst, I get Mom to chase me and Ball around the apartment while I growl and snarl and sound super scary. I AM super scary, you know. That’s why Mom and Dad named me Thor. Duh.
3:20pm: Tired. Afternoon nap.
4:00pm: Mom went to get the mail, so I go snack on the vertical blinds in her office. So chewy. So fun.
6:00pm: Mom leaves for her workout class. I die inside. She is never coming back.
6:30pm: DAD’S HOME! I tell him about Mom and how she left forever. He doesn’t seem alarmed. What is wrong with him?? Obviously I love her more.
7:45pm: MOM IS HOME ALSDKJFALSJFLASDJFLAKDJF WOWOWOWOWOWOW HI MOM HI HI HI HI YOU KNOW WHAT I DID WHILE YOU WERE GONE THAT’S RIGHT I CRIED HI MOM YOU ARE SO PRETTY HI I LOVE YOU HI HI HI HI HI HI
9:30pm: This is my gosh darn bedtime and I don’t care what anyone says – I AM GOING TO BED. I go to Mom and Dad’s bed and flop down. No one is there to turn down the sheets so I sleep on top of the covers. It’s not that comfortable, but whatever.
10:00pm: Mom and Dad finally come in and pull back the blankets so I can get under and snuggle by their feet. I love snuggling with Mom and Dad. It’s the best!
12:00am: HI MOM. I shake my collar just to remind her that I love her and I am in her bed snuggling by her feet. She doesn’t look impressed.
5:00am: Repeat. Does she know how loved she is??!?!?!??
6:00am: Time to start it all over again.
Exhausting right?? And I don’t even have THAT much going on – imagine if both of my adult humans were home all day AND we had a cat to chase! Gosh, I don’t know how I’d do it.
I hope this makes you think. Next time you meet a dog, don’t just assume they’re napping all day because they’re lazy. Thank them for all of their hard work, making their humans happy and keeping them busy. We’re unsung heroes, you know.
With lots of treats,
Thor the Dog