There are a lot of things I don’t like. I don’t like people who don’t like dogs. I don’t like being called “fun size.” I don’t like when pizza cheese comes off all in one piece and burns your chin. But you know what I dislike more than any of those awful things?
I don’t like making decisions.
There are some decisions that are scary for everyone, right? Buying a car isn’t a small commitment. Neither is choosing a place to live, a college, or a significant other (especially if you’re an Emperor Penguin…according to March of the Penguins, that is some serious business).
There are also some decisions which are scary and difficult for no one…except for me.
I remember a few weeks ago, I spent about five minutes trying to decide on a flavor of hand soap for our apartment. I debated the merits of Milk & Honey vs. Cucumber Melon, and still struggled to commit. I almost left the store empty-handed, but purchased after my sister begged me to just pick one.
Last weekend, I spent about ten seconds of my life unnecessarily standing in front of a DC Metro escalator because I kept hesitating and wouldn’t step on. As it turns out, this doesn’t make other people behind you very happy. It also turns out that this isn’t my first time having escalator troubles. I’m notorious for failing to commit to riding the escalator. In one notable example, I hesitated to exit the down escalator and ended up wiping out face-first on the floor of Denver International Airport with luggage in hand.
I’m also awful about traffic lights. Brandon has pretty much accepted that he will be spending cumulatively a month over the course of his lifetime waiting with me at traffic lights because we had ten seconds left to cross, but I hesitated and we missed our opportunity. You wouldn’t think that would be a big decision, crossing the road, but if you recall, we’ve spent centuries asking why the chicken did. It’s a serious issue. Brandon should probably download a Sudoku app on his phone to pass the time, with all this waiting he ends up doing.
I love all food, and that is why the decision of what to have for one specific meal is difficult for me. I’m always part of that annoying phenomena where a group of people tries to decide on dinner, and no one can ever decide because everyone always says “I don’t care.” I’m the one who made that fashionable, I think.
Since I live far away from home, I often have to purchase my flights. You’d think that after about 20 times of doing this, I’d get a little more comfortable with the process, but no. I usually move at a reasonable pace until I get to the screen where I have to hit the final “confirm purchase” button. I sit there for at least five minutes, rereading my choices to make sure that I didn’t buy a ticket for the wrong date or the wrong place. Sometimes I even make my mom get on the phone so I can read it to her and double-check. The hesitation here is painful.
I am the queen of avoiding confirmation for social events. I love being social, but I always have this fear that the minute I confirm, something else will come up, I’ll remember I have another appointment for the same time, or I’ll be struck by a meteor and unable to make it. When someone asks me if Friday at 3 works, I hesitate every time. I usually even hesitate so much as to tell the person I’ll call them later and let them know. For someone in a 3 year relationship, you’d think I’d have less commitment issues.
What to Wear
I know when my sister reads this she is going to be like “AMEN.” I am also the queen of indecision in choosing what to wear. I’ll get completely dressed, with accessories and all, then hesitate….and completely change my whole outfit. It’s so annoying, I actually annoy myself. I fail to effectively make simple decisions about my daily life. It’s evident now why I shouldn’t be in any sort of position of power. I can see it now. “Taylor, we have five seconds! Should we nuke China?” “Um……yeah…..I mean no….can I phone a friend?”
Making decisions and committing to things is more difficult for me than the average person. Somehow I managed to make the big commitments. I committed to a college. I committed to a boyfriend. The biggest daily challenge I face is not what to do with the rest of my life, but what to eat for breakfast.
Is that bad? Probably…actually, um, I’m not sure.